Iran's new era

Ahmadinejad's speech yesterday was accompanied by blackouts around Tehran as citizens plugged in all their electrical devices to rob him of air time and "Death to Dictator" shouts mixed with Allahu Akbar - God is Great.

Ahmadinejad tried to pose as a unifying, centralist figure, claiming he is representative of "change", respectful of the youth and initiating a new era in Iranian politics.

Tehran no longer rules the Shia waves

And it is a new era, one in which the Khamenei-Ahmadinejad alliance backed by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard is pitted agains the majority of the people and the majority of the Islamic clerics.

In other words, on top of everything else the leaders of Iran will now have to struggle against the fact that they are losing not only political legitimacy, but religious. They canot claim to represent the core of Shiism, and as such they have effectively castrated themself from ideological power.

Military power: The parable of the insects

There is also military power, and with decades of war with Iraq, Iran should know how to wage war. When comes to overestimating own forces and underestimating the forces of the opponent Iran's leadership is unparallelled.

The military prowess of today's Iran is adequately illustrated by two "bug incedent" on national television in the past month, one featuring President Barack Obama carelessly squashing a bug with a well aimed slap and one yesterday, during Ahmadinejad's speech, where Ahmadinejad failed to deal with some sort of moth obstructing the broadcast.

Making Iran irrelevant

Finally, to finish the lesson on how to govern poorly, there is economic power. For a country to run itself to the ground it is not sufficient to alienate and antagonize a vast array of foreign military powers that actually wield nukes. And you cannot rely on overruling leading clerics of the religion you subscribe to, and oppressing people is far from enough - any dictatorship can do that.

It is also important to learn the lesson of North Korea and run your economy in the ground, making sure people starve as a sacrifice to the great ideals of the revolution. The goal is to turn Iran into an irrelevant third world country. There are essentially five ways to do this for Iran, and the Iranian leadership already shows they have a firm grasp on them all:

1) Make sure not to diversify economy

First of all, Iran is already in a state of permanent stagflation, tapping into their capital reserves from oil in order to sustain the functions of the government. Oil constitutes a staggering 80 % of Iran's economy in an age, where the world is looking to alternative sources of energy. Besides the nuclear clock Iran has another sword hanging over it, the sword of declining oil revenues. So, it is important to hamper productivity in all manners possible and to make sure the economy is not diversified.

2) Export talent mass with zero return

One way to do it is brain drain. Iran already contributes to the world economy with a large number of very well educated dissenters, who now serve foreign powers. As many as 25 % of second degree educations are exported by Iran's generous system of exiling the best and most gifted. 2-3 million Iranians, mostly from the middle class, are now living abroad, and 150,000 are leaving Iran every year - this number could increase.

3) Oppress women, young and press

To further brain drain and hamper productivity it is important to stop anyone with progressive ideas, because innovation is the primary source of a nation's productivity. Striking down hard on students, curbing the role of women in civil society by further reduce their rights, and of course arrest journalist and human rights workers, are key elements to the strategy. Any measure of free thinking must be made to look like a Western invention, so the nation does not break the dead-lock of 25 % unemployment and slow economic growth.

4) Oppose liberalization, scare off investors

Stagflation is the key to maintain Iran's position as a revolutionary Islamic nation with zero influence, and in order to keep stagflation constant it is important to obstruct liberalization. The most effective way to accomplish this is to maintain an unstable political condition, which will keep foreign investors disinterested. If internal turmoil is not enough, threatening and antagonizing superior forces is very effective. Make them feel Iran is an insecure option, a nation that could blow up or burn down any day, and you won't have any interference when you subsidize industries.

5) Corruption, corruption, corruption

But staunch anti-Western attitudes, violations of human rights and sponsoring terrorism abroad is not enough. To ensure total isolation and, if possible, the utter collapse of your economy and your political system, you must also use the magic ingredience in a abundance: Corruption. Nothing is a show stopper like corruption, and to really teach the West a lesson - to break the backbone of its power - Iran must employ lack of oversight to the already rampant corruption and stimulate it through nepotism and a general cultural climate of snitching and scheming.

If in doubt: Blame the West

To accomplish these five steps it is important to combat accountability whereever it shows its ugly face and to never once accept responsibility for failure. If you are forced to acknowledge a failure, blame it on the West. The West is sponsoring all evil in the world, and Michael Jackson is a great example. Iran must therefore eradicate all signs of Western influence from alcohol and music and movies to shoes, pants and shirts, including t-shirts. Also, a ban against Western methods of communication, such as mouths, eyes and ears would be in place.